On August 24, 2003, I was staying with my parents at their home in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Everyone prepared for bed as usual. My father was teasing the kids, joking with them. They were “camping out” in the living room, my father and two sons. We all just went about our normal routines, nothing special.

On August 25, 2003, I woke to my father’s alarm going off. Somewhere inside me, I knew. I went in to wake him and he had passed away in his sleep. We never saw it coming, never suspected, never dreamed that our lives could change so radically between the time we said good night and the time that the sun rose.

But it did and there is a piece of my life that will never be the same.

Sometimes I think “What would I have said if I had known?”

I think I would have told him that even though we did not always see eye to eye (more like hardly ever, LOL), I still loved him. He was always there when I needed him and I don’t know that I ever truly expressed just how much I appreciated that.

I would have told him that even after he has left this earth, my children and I would keep his memory alive. We would share stories, laugh at his antics and remember the good times. Cause at this point, it is useless to remember the bad.

Who in your life needs to hear words from you? It may be your child, your spouse, your parent, your friend. What words have you not said because you take it for granted that they already know?

Maybe you should take a moment, pick up the phone, write them a letter or hold them in your arms and say those things. Because in a breath they could be gone forever.

Well, for the most part, they are fairly consistent. It seems that we often take for granted that the people closest to us “just know” how we feel. We take it for granted that they know we love them, know that we are sorry, know that we are proud…well, you get the picture.

In fact, thought, it is the most basic of things, those things we figure our loved ones already know, are the things that they so long to hear.

And THAT is the point.

I hope that this project has raised your awareness, made you think, made you take a step back and reassess what you are and aren’t saying to the people you love. I hope that this has sparked some discussion and prompted communication between you and your kids, your spouse, your parents and your friends.

I initially thought I would run this blog for a bit and then stop, but it is getting so much response that I can’t let it stop. I will keep posting, so keep sending me your comments and answering the question, “What do you wish your parents would say to you?”

I am waiting to hear from you.

Words are indeed powerful.

God bless,
Stephanie

Because of this blog, I have written a letter to my son, letting him know that I love him no matter what his grades are. Love is not dependant on grades…its that I get frustrated sometimes that he isnt working to his potential, but I will always love him. I am proud of him for his gentle caring ways, and his caring of animals and the environment, his sports and artistic ability. I am sorry I have sent him to school 5 times over the course of his existance with strep throat, but we are all human! ( He brought that up today, when I almost made him go to school sick because I wasnt sure if he really was sick – he is in bed now sleeping…)I told him that he is a good, kind person and that he was special to me.

I am about to write a letter now to my fiance’ thanking him for being who he is, for asking about progress reports when I might not know they are even being given out, for being a great event planner, and for just being a great guy all around. Eventhough we dont see everything eye to eye, I want him to know that he is loved, too.

Thank you for this blog. I know I got off-topic, but it helps to write.

LA

For instance, not long ago I sat across from a manager (that person is no longer my manager) who told me I was not a team player, did not belong on the team, wasn’t needed or wanted by the team and was, essentially, on my way to the unemployment line. In response, I withdrew. I withdrew from my co-workers but I also withdrew from my family in a sense.

This manager proceeded to completely ostracize me from the rest of the team, but at that point I felt that I had no value, nothing to bring to the table in terms of my work. I felt that I had nothing to offer that the company wanted. I became the invisible girl, plugging away at my work, staying completely to myself while people were afraid of even talking to me, lest they be reprimanded and have their jobs threatened as well.

It wasn’t until another manager came on board that things turned around. This manager drew me in (albeit I was extremely reluctant at first – I was afraid I was being set up). Through her words she empowered me and coaxed me out of my shell. She told me I was a valuable part of the team and that her door was always open. She said that anything I felt would be a good contribution for the team, she was very eager to hear. Through her words she gave me value again. She showed me that I was valuable to the team, that I belonged. I rejoined the team and began contributing, utilizing talents I had previously not felt comfortable displaying.

When you tell your child, “You’ll wind up in jail someday,” guess what, they probably will. When you call your wife a derogatory name, she is likely to begin acting true to that moniker. If you tell your husband that he is selfish, he will probably become quite selfish. Words mold us and become the standard by which we define ourselves.

I have Asperger’s Syndrome. I don’t operate the way “normal” people do (whatever “normal” is) and I tend to do things that freak people out sometimes. I am not over the top, don’t completely socially inappropriate things, but I am quite honest, direct and very, very confused when people become upset when I operate in this manner. I also don’t experience and express emotion the way most people do. This has created some interesting circumstances in my relationships to say the least.

One ex husband (yes, there have been a few) called me “Data” after the Star Trek character who was basically a robot (I know you Trekkies out there will correct me on this, but robot is a layman’s term). Data did not understand human emotion (neither do I) and we was very interested in learning about that aspect of humanity (as am I). Now, as I have just analyzed this comparison I can see why my ex would compare me to this character, but the more he made reference to it, called me “cold” and “clinical” the more I became that way. It wasn’t on purpose, it just happened. It was as if the words created a mold and I worked my way into it.

The man I am with now is more uplifting. He too realizes the power of words. While my AS does frustrate him and “freak him out” on occasion, he admitted to me this morning that it isn’t nearly as bad now as it was before he got used to it. Now that he is accustomed to my odd ways, my quirks, my often brash honesty and my absolute aversion to the limelight (except in public speaking, singing or performing – go figure) he rolls with it quite well. His words, though, are what have helped me so much in coming to terms with my condition and accepting myself.

Just this morning he was telling me how my condition actually was very complimentary to being with him and having a relationship with him. We “get” each other. He likes my honesty and has admitted that it has made him feel more comfortable with being completely honest with me. He even understands my confusion when someone flips out because they ask a question and I answer honestly. I come home and share my “aspie stories” with him and we laugh together. He explains people’s reactions to things I tell him I say and in turn I get a clearer picture of the human race. But his words of acceptance make me feel comfortable in sharing these things with him and allow me to accept myself (even though I have always been pretty sure I am an alien).

Words can build up or they can tear down. Words can change the course of a person’s life with the simple utterance of a single word or phrase. They can change the way a person sees a situation or even how they see themselves.

What are your words saying about you? Are they building – or destroying?

Wendy
40
PA
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I wish I would have heard this from my mother:

“I love you because you’re you. I may not agree with what you do or the choices you make but that does not change my love for you.”
“I’ll always be here for you.”
“I believe in you and support you in whatever path you take in life.”
“Follow your dreams and I’ll help you in whatever way I can.”
“It’s okay to be successful, however you define it.”

Paints a picture, doesn’t it?

Julie
New Hampshire
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For a long time, I have wanted to hear my father tell me “You are lovable”. To me, being lovable means that I am deserving of love. I still struggle with feeling unlovable even at age 60. He died in 1975, before I even understood how powerful those words would be for me. I am tearing up even as I write this. “I love you” seems so small to me when compared with “You are Lovable.”

Michelle
61
Denver, CO

What do you wish your parents would say to you?
Comment here or send me an email to starving_writer@usa.com

Lane, 12 – Massachusetts
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I wish my mom would tell me that she thinks I’m a good mom.

I wish my dad would tell me that he’s proud of me, my life choices, and my accomplishments.

Julie
31
Jacksonville, FL
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I wish my mom would speak down from heaven and say “son I gave you
the word Look, because inside the word look is the word OK. No matter
how things look, everything is going to be alright.”

Please watch my DEMO (Derrick’s Encouraging Message to Others)

Encouragement Speaker Derrick Hayes
“Give Someone a WOE, a Word of Encouragement”

Sign Up for email updates – http://www.DerrickHayes.com

Derrick Hayes
39
Columbus, GA

My father left when I was pretty young, about 5 I guess. Apparently, he and my mother had a difficult marriage for many years before he finally decided to pull the plug. My mom never said anything bad about my dad to me or to my brother, but you could always feel her bitterness towards him brewing just under the surface.

Growing up, I always felt guilty when I wanted to see my dad or when I talked about my dad to my mom or when I was around her. Eventually, I sort of drifted away from my dad to keep from hurting my mom. I stopped going to see him, stopped talking about him and basically erased him from my life for years because I did not want to hurt my mom.

She never said anything negative about him, but my brother and I both knew how she felt. It was just very obvious to us. Her bitterness, even though she tried to hide it, ruined our relationship with our dad for many years.

What I wish she would have said then – and wish she would say now is this:

“I forgive your father and I want you to have a relationship with him. It is OK to love your dad.”

Name: Mike
Age: 45
Location: Grand Junction, CO

I started this blog I never knew the response would be so incredible! I had no idea that there were so many people out there who were feeling these things, who were hurting and carrying hurts from childhood. I had no idea that so many people we going through life longing to hear simple words.

There has been humor as well. Creative, funny comments.

It began with a simple question: What do you wish that your parents would say to you? I allow people to write in and use their names, psuedo names or not use any name. I never knew that one simple question could cause such a stir.

I can tell you, while this project began as a way for me to make a difference in someone else’s life, it has dramatically made a difference in my own. I find that I am more aware of what I say to not only my children, but to all the people in my life. I am thinking more about what they may need to hear me say to them, even if they can’t express it.

So while my little section of the world wide web may not change the whole world, I think it is changing the hearts and minds of families, of people, of parents and I truly believe that it is making a difference.

At the very least it is getting people to think. I know it got me thinking.

But if you want to change the world, or be happy, or just connect with other people, The Experience Project is a great place to do it. http://www.experienceproject.com/index.php

My father died when I was 27 and my mother when I was 31.

I hope everyone reading this website material will consider having a wonderful, loving conversation with their parents, regardless of the status of their current relationship.

When one of you is gone — it is FOREVER.

Tell them you love them more often that you think is necessary, and always say you forgive them (aloud or silent) when the need arises.

Name: Pat
Age: 62
State: Ok

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